{"id":11785,"date":"2018-09-19T21:39:28","date_gmt":"2018-09-19T21:39:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinegh.com\/?p=11785"},"modified":"2018-09-19T21:39:28","modified_gmt":"2018-09-19T21:39:28","slug":"what-to-do-when-your-libidos-dont-match","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinetv.com\/?p=11785","title":{"rendered":"What to do when your libidos don\u2019t match"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

In an ideal world, each couple would be made up of two partners with identical sex drives.<\/p>\n

The problem with that, besides being unrealistic, is that our libidos aren\u2019t set in stone. They fluctuate over the course of our lives for any number of reasons:\u00a0 stress, birth of a child,\u00a0aging,\u00a0medication side effects, certain physical and mental health conditions, among countless others.<\/p>\n

If you and your partner just aren\u2019t on the same page sexually these days, don\u2019t fret. In fact, it\u2019s very common for couples \u2015 especially long-term ones \u2015 to deal with mismatched libidos at some point.\u00a0According to one 2015 study,\u00a080 percent of couples experienced a \u201cdesire discrepancy\u201d with their partner in the past month. And despite gender stereotypes about heterosexual relationships, it\u2019s\u00a0not just male partners with high libidos and female partners with low libidos.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn around 60 percent of the couples that I see in my clinical practice, it is the women who have a higher sex drive,\u201d sex therapist\u00a0Gila Shapiro\u00a0said.<\/p>\n

\n
If left unaddressed, differing levels of desire can create an unpleasant relationship dynamic. Often the higher-libido partner deals with repeated sexual rejection that may impact their self-esteem, while the lower-libido partner can get overwhelmed by sexual pressure and discouraged if they feel like they\u2019re not living up to their partner\u2019s expectations.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

So should different levels of libido be a deal breaker? Not necessarily,\u00a0 psychologist and sex therapist Janet Brito said, so long as the couple is willing to have some honest conversations and make compromises.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt really takes both parties working together on finding some common ground and agreeing to meet each other\u2019s moods, not 100 percent of the time, but more than 50 percent of the time,\u201d she said. \u201cThe focus becomes more about how sexual intimacy and connecting in that way nurtures the relationship, and less about focusing on individual needs.\u201d<\/p>\n

We asked sex therapists for their expert advice on how to deal when your sex drive and your partner\u2019s sex drive just aren\u2019t lining up. Below, find out what they had to say:<\/p>\n

\n
1. Get comfortable talking about sex (and other tricky subjects)\u00a0<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

No surprise here: Strong communication around bedroom issues is key. Sex can be a sensitive subject, particularly when partners feel out of sync, but it\u2019s essential to talk things through anyway. Sex therapist\u00a0Douglas C. Brooks tells his clients to focus their attention on how to communicate their own needs and insecurities.<\/p>\n

\u201cTalk more about feelings about sex and intimacy,\u201d he said. \u201cBy respectfully communicating to one another, it can lead to a better understanding of this issue.\u201d<\/p>\n

As long as you\u2019re able to express your point of view and really listen to what your partner has to say without blaming or shaming, the issue doesn\u2019t need to become grounds for a split, sex therapist\u00a0Shannon Chavez said.<\/p>\n

\n
\u201cMismatched sexual drives are only a deal breaker if you cannot communicate effectively and get\u00a0stuck in situations where one or both partners is defensive, hurt or unreasonable about expectations around sex,\u201d she said.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

2.\u00a0Figure out when you have the most energy<\/b><\/p>\n

When you\u2019re exhausted and run down, sex is probably the last thing on your mind. Identifying the day and time you usually have the most energy and then seeing where you and your partner overlap may help you map out some opportune times to get frisky.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is important as matching their energy levels will maximize their chances of getting it on,\u201d\u00a0Brito said. \u201cOnce that\u2019s established, I\u2019d suggest they reserve that time for themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n
3.\u00a0Set the right mood<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Does a hot bath, a candle and the right playlistmake you feel like a sexual god or goddess? Does a messy kitchen or a rough day at the office totally kill the mood? Brito recommends zeroing in on which conditions put you each in the mood and which don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cIdentify what your bridges (a clean house, a nice scent) or poisons (relationship conflict or resentment) to desire are. Then be intentional about building more bridges and lessening the poisons,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

The same goes for nice, little things you can do for yourself that make you feel hot, whether it\u2019s a haircut or a good workout class.<\/p>\n

\u201cFind out what makes you feel good about yourself, what makes you feel sexy, so that you sabotage less and connect more,\u201d Brito added.<\/p>\n

4. Get intimate without actually having sex<\/b><\/p>\n

Focusing too much on the sex itself can add unnecessary pressure to the situation. Instead, start slow; engage in sensual activities that don\u2019t necessarily culminate in penetrative sex.<\/p>\n

\u201cExplore different erotic menus that focus on connection and not only sexual activity such as touching, kissing, eye-gazing and play,\u201d Chavez said. \u201cConnection builds safety and closeness where erotic energy can develop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Over time, these little acts of affection can improve your intimate bond \u2015 whether sex happens that night or not.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe path to more frequent sex often starts with foreplay, sexual teasing and with touching before the \u2018big deed,\u2019\u201d\u00a0Brooks said.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, quality alone time \u2015 even of the nonsexual variety \u2015 is all you need to make you feel genuinely connected to each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake a walk, watch a movie in bed, buy some sexy sleepwear and have some fun,\u201d Brooks said. \u201cStaying connected to our partners is important for our overall well-being.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Don\u2019t underestimate masturbation<\/b><\/p>\n

Masturbation is often thought of as a solo activity, but it doesn\u2019t have to be. When one partner isn\u2019t in the mood for full-on sex, watching \u2015 or helping \u2015 their partner get themselves off could be a solid backup plan.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t define masturbation as a lesser sexual activity,\u201d Shapiro said. \u201cMasturbation, which is considered a solitary experience, can become a shared one and a partner can include the other through eye contact, touch, talk and still maintain a sexual connection while meeting one\u2019s needs.\u201d<\/p>\n

And if your partner isn\u2019t down to assist, then some solo play can still release some of that sexual tension and\u00a0improve your well-being.<\/p>\n

\u201cMasturbation can be a wonderful alternative to meets one\u2019s own needs,\u201d Brooks said.<\/p>\n

6. Consider seeing a sex therapist<\/b><\/p>\n

If things just aren\u2019t clicking for the two of you, it might be worth making an appointment with a sex therapist, who can offer helpful insights and suggestions.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes couples get stuck in the argument around libido issues and need a therapist to see both points of view and give suggestions and a plan that couples can follow without conflict,\u201d Chavez said.<\/p>\n

A sex therapist may also be able to pinpoint some of the underlying issues that could be contributing to your sexual disconnect.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the cases that [the desire discrepancy] becomes problematic, there tends to be other underlying challenges, compounded with difficult communication patterns and unresolved resentments or conflicts,\u201d Brito said. \u201cThe sexual symptom tends to become a representation of some deeper pain or unmet need.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source:\u00a0Huffington Post<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In an ideal world, each couple would be made up of two partners with identical sex drives. The problem with that, besides being unrealistic, is that our libidos aren\u2019t set in stone. They fluctuate over the course of our lives for any number of reasons:\u00a0 stress, birth of a child,\u00a0aging,\u00a0medication side effects, certain physical and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11786,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":1,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11785","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat to do when your libidos don\u2019t match - Kumasi Online TV<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinetv.com\/?p=11785\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What to do when your libidos don\u2019t match - Kumasi Online TV\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In an ideal world, each couple would be made up of two partners with identical sex drives. 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