{"id":11917,"date":"2018-09-23T21:20:06","date_gmt":"2018-09-23T21:20:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinegh.com\/?p=11917"},"modified":"2018-09-23T21:20:06","modified_gmt":"2018-09-23T21:20:06","slug":"is-it-ever-ok-to-read-your-partners-texts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinetv.com\/?p=11917","title":{"rendered":"Is it ever ok to read your partner\u2019s texts?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Here\u2019s a scenario to consider: Your partner leaves his cell phone on the dining room table. His texts and emails can be easily accessed with just the touch of a fingertip. Would you look? Have you ever looked?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

If you said yes, you are definitely not alone.<\/div>\n
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In a study conducted in the United Kingdom and reported in\u00a0The Telegraph, 34% of women admitted they had looked through the cell phone of a partner or ex-partner without their knowledge.<\/div>\n
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But before women start feeling guilty about those stats, take a look at the findings for men.<\/div>\n
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Nearly twice as many men, 62%, admitted doing the very same thing, according to the study of 2,081 adults in the UK who were in a relationship at the time.<\/div>\n
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The study also found that the stakes of this unapproved snooping could be huge. Nearly a third, 31% of people surveyed, said they would consider terminating the relationship if they learned their partner had been looking over their texts, emails and social media messages on their cell phone without their consent.<\/div>\n
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Snooping is \u2018last straw\u2019 for some<\/strong><\/div>\n
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Micky, a mom of two, said that snooping was the \u201clast straw\u201d in a long line of events that led to the end of her first marriage.<\/div>\n
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Her first husband, she said, never trusted her. \u201cUltimately, the marriage ended after a big blowup when he confronted me about some remarks to a friend in a private email, revealing that he\u2019d been snooping on me,\u201d Micky said. (We are not using her last name or the last names of other women and men in the story because of the sensitive nature of the topic.)<\/div>\n
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Much to her disappointment, Micky said, early on in her relationship with her second husband \u2014 her then-boyfriend \u2014 she read some of his Skype text conversations.<\/div>\n
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\u201cIt was a huge mistake,\u201d she said, adding that she eventually confronted her partner about what she read. \u201cHe explained the conversation but was really disappointed in my snooping since it revealed a mistrust on my part. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I had done that.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Laurie, also a mom of two, said she approached the issue a whole lot differently 10 years ago than she would today.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Back then, she said, she snooped \u201cnumerous times,\u201d checking her partners\u2019 emails and even getting into their accounts on various dating websites because she thought they were cheating on her.<\/div>\n
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Today, she said, she wouldn\u2019t do it.<\/div>\n
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\u201cSnooping says not only are you insecure, but you also do not have a trusting relationship,\u201d Laurie said. \u201cThis is not the type of relationship I would choose to be a part of.\u201d<\/div>\n
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If partners in a relationship have to snoop on one another, then there is a problem in the relationship, said Janeane, a mother of four who said she has never snooped on her husband.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cA relationship without trust is worthless,\u201d she said. \u201cIf you want to know something, ask.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
David, a married father of two, said that if a girlfriend snooped on him during his dating years, that relationship would probably end very quickly.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cConfidence is my aphrodisiac,\u201d he said. \u201cI don\u2019t like drama in my life, and an insecure girlfriend wouldn\u2019t make the cut.\u201d<\/div>\n
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Are there cases where it\u2019s OK to snoop?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
Julie Holland, a New York psychiatrist and author of\u00a0\u201cMoody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You\u2019re Taking, the Sleep You\u2019re Missing, the Sex You\u2019re Not Having and What\u2019s Really Making You Crazy,\u201d\u00a0says communication is key.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cMy advice (to patients) is always that you need to talk more with your partner and not less,\u201d she said. Plus, she says, people probably won\u2019t get to the bottom of anything by snooping, because partners could always have other email accounts or could have deleted texts and emails.<\/div>\n
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\u201cYou\u2019re not necessarily going to find what you\u2019re looking for, but you\u2019re certainly opening a can of worms in terms of trust and intimacy issues.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But are there ever times where it\u2019s OK or necessary?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cIf your gut is telling you that something is wrong and you\u2019ve had that moment where you talk about it, and then you still are not satisfied with the answer,\u201d it might be OK to investigate some more, said Leslie Yazel, executive editor of\u00a0Cosmopolitan.<\/div>\n
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She pointed to cases, reported in her magazine, in which young women found out that a boyfriend was a drug abuser or a sex addict by looking at their phone or finding a second phone in the house.<\/div>\n
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\u201cAnd these girls were able to get out of really bad situations,\u201d Yazel said, conceding that these examples were on the extreme side.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Diane, who is married with no kids, said that if and only if she had reason to believe her husband were engaged in \u201cillegal or immoral conduct\u201d would she feel an obligation to investigate.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But beyond that, she said, snooping shows a lack of trust, personal insecurity and a \u201ccomplete disregard for the person\u2019s right to privacy.\u201d<\/div>\n
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She also brought up the unintended consequences.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
A friend of hers looked at her husband\u2019s emails and found he had been having an online flirtation with a former girlfriend, someone he had known years before he met his wife, she said.<\/div>\n
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\u201cThere was nothing going on. It was a midlife crisis, and it was over before she found out, but it nearly destroyed a 28-year marriage.\u201d<\/div>\n
\n

To some, checking emails\/texts isn\u2019t \u2018snooping\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Kitty, who is not married, says that in relationships, she and her partner have an understanding that they are always free to read each other\u2019s emails and texts.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat I do in relationships, I don\u2019t necessarily refer to as \u2018snooping,\u2019 as that would imply that I am sneaking to do it,\u201d she said. \u201cIf we are operating separately, that means we are not in a monogamous relationship.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cHave I read my partners\u2019 emails and texts? Yes, and they were fully aware I did so. But on the other hand, they were free to read mine,\u201d she said.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
A mom of two, who didn\u2019t want to even use her first name, admitted snooping very early on in her relationship with her now-husband.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cI did it in the beginning of my relationship because I did not trust him (or any men for that matter),\u201d she said.<\/div>\n
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Ultimately, she found out he was not only trustworthy but also a \u201clittle boring,\u201d she said. \u201cNo porn, no gambling. He was all about work.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
While she said she is not proud of what she did and would never admit it to her husband, she doesn\u2019t regret it.<\/div>\n
\u201cNot sure how long it would have taken me to trust him so completely if I didn\u2019t snoop.\u201d<\/div>\n
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\u2013<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Source: CNN<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s a scenario to consider: Your partner leaves his cell phone on the dining room table. His texts and emails can be easily accessed with just the touch of a fingertip. Would you look? Have you ever looked? If you said yes, you are definitely not alone. In a study conducted in the United Kingdom […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11918,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11917","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\nIs it ever ok to read your partner\u2019s texts? - Kumasi Online TV<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.kumasionlinetv.com\/?p=11917\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is it ever ok to read your partner\u2019s texts? - Kumasi Online TV\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here\u2019s a scenario to consider: Your partner leaves his cell phone on the dining room table. 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