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Every relationship has its problems. In the most functional relationship, you\u2019re able to talk about the issues and work through them\u2014in the less functional ones, you ignore the problems completely. But what if you\u2019re having trouble pinpointing what the problem actually is? You know something\u2019s not right\u2014and yet you can\u2019t seem to connect the dots and get to the source.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a common pattern among the heterosexual couples I see,” Stephen Snyder, relationships therapist and author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship told The Cut. “Men who tend to be terribly afraid of disappointing the women they love, who will often withdraw when they feel they\u2019ve made their partners upset\u2014which, of course, will typically make her even more upset.<\/p>\n
From there, I\u2019ve heard enough of the same story to know, it can turn into a vicious cycle: Eventually, he\u2019ll withdraw to where he stops initiating sex. Which will make her feel undesirable. Which of course will make her even more upset. Which he\u2019ll see as a sign that it\u2019s no longer safe to approach her. Which of course is absurd, since the main reason she\u2019s upset is that he hasn\u2019t touched her in a month\u2014but that\u2019s the way these things tend to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, at first glance, this probably reads to you as an intimacy issue or a sexual issue\u2014but Snyder saw another problem: ADHD. ADHD, or\u00a0attention deficit hyperactivity disorder<\/b>, can do a lot of damage to a relationship\u2014but it can manifest in a lot of different ways. Here\u2019s what you need to know about how ADHD can affect your relationship.<\/p>\n
The physical connection<\/b><\/p>\n
ADHD itself can create many rifts in a relationship, and one of the problems can be sexual. \u201cADHD can have a profound impact on a couple\u2019s emotional and sexual relationship, and it\u2019s very common for couples in treatment to have at least one partner with this condition, which can contribute to sexual problems in a whole host of ways,\u201d Snyder explained.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome people with ADHD have unusually high sex drives. Others hardly seem interested in sex at all. Individuals with ADHD are at increased risk for depression, which in turn can dull desire and cause sexual dysfunction.\u201d Because ADHD can lead to a very low or very high sex drive, it is often difficult to pinpoint the disorder as the underlying issue.<\/p>\n
But the problems of ADHD can also be emotional. If your partner is distracted, preoccupied, or seems absent, that can create a lot of emotional distance\u2014you don\u2019t feel seen or heard, and that can be hurtful.<\/p>\n
When the problem goes deeper<\/b><\/p>\n
Sometimes the ADHD itself isn\u2019t the problem\u2014it\u2019s the trauma that comes from a lifetime of living with ADHD. Often, especially before ADHD was better understood, children with the condition would be ridiculed, insulted, and made to feel stupid. \u201cMany of these kids are naturally resilient,\u201d Snyder explained. \u201cThey cope with the criticism they receive by just shutting it out. But this can create problems years later in adult relationships.\u201d Because of this learned behaviour, someone with ADHD will often shut other people out. So if you approach your partner with concerns that you’re not being listened to or valued\u2014which is a totally valid thing to do\u2014a person with ADHD may revert to their childhood coping mechanism of just shutting down and locking you out emotionally. And, of course, that makes the whole problem worse.<\/p>\n
Recognizing the issue<\/b><\/p>\n
One crucial aspect of ADHD that Snyder emphasized is that it\u2019s variable. The term is misleading, he says, because actually, it\u2019s not a case of \u201cattention deficit”\u2014it\u2019s an issue focusing on some things that are not exciting in the moment or things that feel difficult. So maybe your partner is great at focusing on what someone\u2019s saying at a party or at their job or with your kids\u2014naturally, this would make you assume that they don’t have ADHD. But if they\u2019re already feeling avoidant about issues in your relationship, ADHD can kick in and take those communication problems to another level. Just because it\u2019s not consistent, doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t there.<\/p>\n
ADHD can cause a huge range of relationship problems, but it\u2019s by no means a death sentence for your partnership. The great news is that, as more and more is understood about the condition, there\u2019s a wide range of materials out there and lots of help available.<\/p>\n
If something is off in your sex life or in your relationship communication, don\u2019t be afraid to contact a professional\u2014and if they say it might be ADHD, be open to the idea, even if you\u2019ve never thought of it before. The right diagnosis is the first step towards help.<\/p>\n
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Source:\u00a0Brides.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every relationship has its problems. In the most functional relationship, you\u2019re able to talk about the issues and work through them\u2014in the less functional ones, you ignore the problems completely. But what if you\u2019re having trouble pinpointing what the problem actually is? You know something\u2019s not right\u2014and yet you can\u2019t seem to connect the dots […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\n